“Master of disaster” chef

For those of you who know me this is not something new: I am not much of a cook – I probably “cook ” once a month and truth be told, I unfortunately am really bad at it, too… If I ate what I could cook, my menu would consist of: omelet, fried eggs, boiled  eggs (which hurt my stomach and I cannot eat), mashed potatoes (which, as I discovered two years ago, cannot be made with any type of potatoes), french fries (which again hurt my stomach), boiled pasta with cheese, salad with tomatoes, feta cheese, olives and mozzarella (I know that’s not cooked but it’s certainly the most tasty thing I put together) and the desert I learned in the 5th grade at school, a kind of chocolate cream which I simply loooooove and everybody else considers it’s nauseatingThis means that during weekends I still depend on my mother’s, sister’s and friends’ merciful cooking.

I know, I know, need is the best teacher…. But then I survived in a foreign country for months in a row without cooking, so there you are. Plus I hate TV cooking shows – except that sexy Anthony Bourdain’s – and I wouldn’t watch Top Chef of Master Chef even if I had to eat cabbage for a whole day. But I do have this fantasies in which I imagine cooking something really tasty and easy and fast and healthy. The problem is that when I try to put all that into practice, hell breaks loose. My family still speaks of a distant time when repainting the kitchen was necessary after one of my cooking attempts – there were ashes  too, mind you. Don’t ask. And it’s just not tasty at all.

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But as I am stuffed with spending my money on unhealthy take-out during office days, I made the brave decision to learn to cook. I even started a special board on Pintrest with easy (they say…) recipes. Yes, mes amis, hold on tight, I truly am going to do it! In fact, I have already started: my first choice was pasta. Rice vermicelli, to be precise, as they are so easy to cook: I only put them in hot water and that is it. The complicated thing is the other ingredient: stirred vegetables. Of course I use frozen vegetables, who do you think I am, Martha Stewart?

This is certainly a learning experience: the first was that  frozen vegetables shouldn’t be defrosted, boiled and then stirred. Doooh! My attempt at an innovative avocado salad resulted in an indigestion and the too ambitious plan of making a sauce has failed miserably (literally, that is). So far, I cannot say that my cooking is tasty. Edible, maybe; but yummy… not a chance. It is better with lots of soy sauce, though! Oh, I have a feeling this it’s going to be a looong and bumpy ride.

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Until I will be a content (not happy, see how easy to please I am?) Guinea pig of my  own cooking, I will drool over yummy-looking pictures of food on the internet. Keep you fingers crossed!

Love,

Venom

Images: here and here

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